


What a Happy Holiday!

by sugarblossom



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Papa Kukui
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21945793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom
Summary: Christmas time is here! Everything's just perfect~
Relationships: Kukui-hakase | Professor Kukui & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Satoshi's Pikachu | Ash Ketchum's Pikachu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	What a Happy Holiday!

“That concludes this meeting.” I froze, watching my colleagues all preparing to leave with a blank expression. How long did I space out for? To avoid suspicion, I nodded to Principal Samson Oak with a grin, shooting up from my seat and instantly regretting it. My vision goes black for a split second, and I couldn’t help but grab the edge of my seat so I don’t fall over.

“I heard the meeting’s over, professor! Let’s go home! I wanna check out all the Christmas tree decorations you have!” Ash yelled while peeking from the edge of the door, his words rattling around my skull like shrunk pokeballs… Like the Friend Ball I got for Ash just multiplied and was put in a maraca. Why am I so- oh wait. Aww crap, here we go again, I’m sick. Just in time for Christmas. Just great. Taking a deep breath, I calmly nodded, watching my ward cheer, racing past the meeting room with his Pikachu following him. That kid. Always so filled with energy. I wonder if he ever gets as tired and sick as me right now? I felt a sigh escape, wincing as the sigh seemed to physically grate at my throat. I don’t want to find out.

The principal walked over to me, but before he could say anything, I said with a small cringe, “Well, time for me to make like a Treecko and leave! I’ll see you” Dashing after Ash, I stared up as a small flurry of snow started. Huh. A white Christmas too? Just my luck. I patted the pocket of my lab coat to make sure Ash’s Christmas gift was still there. Ash was just standing there in the snow shower, waving to me with Pikachu on his head.

“Do you want to have some fun in the snow?” he asked as I made my way next to him. Was it me, or did Ash just flinch as a small clump of snow fell past his cap and onto his face? ...Nah, probably just me. Why would Ash hide anything from me? Pikachu’s ears twitched as he chirped at Ash, almost like he was warning his trainer.

“If that makes you happy, sure!” Ash gave a weak smile, and Pikachu buried his head under Ash’s cap with a small coo.

“As long as you get some time off, I’ll be happy.”

Get some time off? Has Ash of all people noticed my sickness, or does he just want to play in the snow before it melts under the Alolan sun? My head ached and throbbed like being pressed with a vice… Body Slam? I can’t think clearly. A flash of yellow darted onto my shoulder, and Ash’s hand waved in front of my face. “Wh- I’m alright! ...Are you having fun?” Pikachu glanced between Ash and me, tilting his head.

Wincing--that was clearly a wince--and holding his arms, Ash stared at me. “Hey, let’s go home. I don’t want you catching a cold.” My lab coat fluttered in the wind, its iciness piercing like a Bite attack. Well, I’m already sick, how bad can it be?

* * *

I stared down at my research paper. The words were blurring like swarms of Combee without a queen. Sighing, I took my glasses and cap off and glanced upwards. Focus, Kukui, you have to focus. Just as I thought that, I zoned out, staring blankly at the wall. I know I’m zoned out. I should get to work… Kukui, you’re still not even trying to focus-

“Professor! It’s nearly time for dinner!” Ugh, why was Ash being louder than usual? Does he have anything against the holiday? No, he was way louder when we started learning about legendaries. Sigh, it’s probably just me. I pressed the heel of my hand against my temples, feeling my temperature rise and heart pound. Ash burst into the room as I stood up. “Professor!”

“I’m going, I’m going!” I grumbled out with a raspy voice, clutching the edge of my work table as my vision flickered. “Ash-” A dry cough exploded out of my chest, tearing at my sore throat like a knife. As pain shot across my temples like lightning bolts, my whole body ached and trembled like pasta placed in boiling water. Did someone just turn out the lights, or is that just me? Maybe I’m in danger? My heart started racing at the unknown threat.

A set of warm hands supported my back and arm, and a chill webbed across my torso. “Are you ok?” Ash whispered, his voice as weak as I felt. I couldn’t help but give a small groan, the edges of my vision flickering black. When did I use Rapid Spin? What time was it? Can I even finish my paper? My pounding head provided no answers.

“Hng… A- Mmmm…” The weight on my chest suffocated me, and I forcefully blinked. “Don’t worry about me-ugh…” My head felt as heavy as an anchor. Oh, it’s sure Destiny Bonding me to my pain alright.

Ash sighed, tugging at my arm. I sniffled, mind completely scrambling as Ash supported me, rubbing my back and leading me to my-wait, my? Our sofa? Is Ash my kid? Yeah, that must be it. He’s sure a strong boy for… what was I doing again? I stared up at the ceiling, snapping out of my stupor at the boy’s now cool hand on my forehead. Am I getting warmer? What happened?

“Oh boy… I’m sorry,” Ash mumbled, voice cracking. “All my yelling probably hasn’t helped either, huh?” Everything was silent, except for me sniffling and trying to clear my nose. “This is all my fault, so I’m gonna fix it. Pikachu, can you come over?” What was he talking about? His fault? Why does he think- wait, fix?

I tried to get up, arms trembling to hold up my weight even the slightest distance away from the sofa. “Hold on, ah… kid?” My kid glanced back at me, before running away. Wait, don’t leave me here! Before I could shove myself off the sofa and probably collapse onto the floor, a yellow ball of fur tackled me back onto the sofa. “Hm… What’s your name again? You look like… are you a mouse?” The mouse’s ears twitched, glancing up as my kid came running back with a water bottle, thermometer, and a box of tissues. Like being embarrassed under a spotlight, I felt sweat forming on my forehead, but when I went to wipe it, my hand only encountered heat. Sunny Day?

Ng, I don’t want to show I’m that sick in front of my own kid… Sniffing loudly, I felt my snot slide down my throat, choking myself and coughing. Cringing, the mouse scooted away from me. My son winced, before sighing. “Hey!” Kukui mumbled out. “You don’t get to be mad at me, I’m the one who’s sick.” Ash glanced off, the thermometer in his hand trembling. Oh, did I upset- “Ow! Your mouse just freaking bit me!” Growling, my son’s mouse crossed his arms and stared at me.

My son shook his head. “Pikachu, stop pinching him, it’s not his fault I insisted on staying outside in the snow for so long.” What? I tried to get up, but he walked forward and gently pushed me back down. The mouse hissed at him, before quieting down and licking his fur. “So let me help.” As the snow piled up against the window like they wanted to ask for directions, I felt the world blur around me. There was a faint beeping, and the freezing thermometer was placed on my head. My son… he’s my son… Who-

I groaned, shaking my head and rubbing at my stuffed nose, cringing as my son stepped back. “Is it too cold? Oh Arceus...” He stared at the thermometer. I felt the heat continue to fill my cheeks, like someone doodling in that mouse’s cheeks. The same mouse that worriedly glanced between me and my kid.

Laughing, I joked, “On a scale from one to fuck everything, how screwed am I?” My son facepalmed as a coughing fit seized me, before handing me a tissue. My coordination was so bad that I nearly smacked him on the shoulder. Turning to my side, I covered my sneeze just in time. Fur bristling, the mouse darted off the sofa and onto the table with a grumble.

“Look, I’m gonna go-”

“NO!” I yelled, gripping onto his shirt. “You don’t get to leave me. Ever.” My son’s mouse snarled at me, but I couldn’t stop. “You’re so nice to me, the stars sparkle in your eyes and mmmm… I never want you to go. I don’t know what to do if you left me.” His eyes widened like he was scared of me. Why was he scared? I just wanted him to be with me! My vision spun. I tossed my tissue on the floor next to me, watching Ash cringe.

“I’m only going to get some tips from my friends…”

“How long?” My speech might be muddled, but my love for my son is not. “I’ll follow you-”

My kid quickly shook his head with a sweatdrop, holding his hands up. “Oh, no, it’s ok. Please just stay here. I’m sure I’ll be back as soon as I can, definitely.” I pouted, letting go of his shirt and watching his mouse burrowing under his coat, still glaring at me. Eh, that didn’t matter. I harshly blew my nose, and only focused on my son’s form as he rubbed his hands to warm them up and gripped the edge of his cap. Tried to focus, anyways. There was a ringing in my ears, and I shut my eyes for a second to try to ignore the ache there.

“No one appreciates you more than me, son.” He froze. Does he not understand? “I just want to protect you! Say you love me. Say it and mean it.” When he stayed silent, I felt my heart throb like it was on the verge of breaking. “Did you ever truly love me, son?!” I coughed out.

My son’s mouse perked up, ears twitching in alarm. “I mean, yeah-”

“Stop lying to me!” The mouse glanced up at my son, chirping and gesturing at the door with a conflicted look.

“...You’re delirious, I’m sorry.” My son, while patting his mouse’s head, ran out the front door. Out into the snow. A sense of disappointment filled my frazzled mind. He’s very tough, but it’s still cold outside! And he didn’t even fully close the door! As I fumbled trying to reach for the water bottle, a cool breeze slipped in... Wow, it’s so hot in here... I should try to follow him. That way, I’d kill two Pidgeys with one stone. I blew my nose with another tissue, before straining to get up from the sofa.

An unknown voice whispered, “You know you’re not alright.” I whipped my head around, immediately regretting it as I tumbled onto the floor in dizziness. Was that the fucking microwave or something? Did the fucking microwave talk to me? “You shouldn’t do this, Kukui. Think of your ward…” This isn’t real. I know this isn’t real. I gave a small cough, gritting my teeth. I just want to sleep the sickness away. Actually, that’s probably the best option, but hey, I’m not gonna do it. I can’t.

“My ward?” I mumbled. “You mean my son?” I raised an arm towards the door. “Did you see how cute and friendly he was, whoever you-ugh…” A flitting image flashed in my mind, projecting itself around the room. An image of my… wait, is that my kid? He has a Greninja, and… Is that the leader of Team Flare? Wow. That voice must be right, I’m really out of it. My hands shook like I was caught in an earthquake, scared out of my wits. But, why? My limbs felt as wobbly as jello. But- only my sneeze and swirling vision answered my question.

“You might be one of the chosen humans…” a new voice rang through my head like a news recording. Yep, the fever is really getting to me. I sniffled, focusing on the front door and willing it to open. Nothing happened. My muscles ached even more as I slowly crawled across the floor. It was like wading through quicksand or deep water… or snow, I guess. Yeah, snow seems like the best thingy here, because of the time of the… What time is it? 

What felt like an hour later, I reached up and shoved the door open, overestimating my clumsiness and falling flat on my face. That’s gonna leave a bruise, isn’t it? The cold wind rushed into the room, only relieving me for a second before the chill made added to the heavy weight on my chest.

“Why?” the first voice asked. I rolled onto my back, breathing raspy and vision blurred like I was actually underwater. Or under a snowbank? How does that even work? I gave a harsh cough.

“I don’t know, me, I don’t.”

* * *

Ash Ketchum. That was his name, right? I gasped as I was pulled through the TV to personally experience the horrors at hand. Vines were crawling around the city, and the tension and panic were tangible in the air. Ash was dead. 

I froze. Why did I know that? Why did I know Ash doesn’t like staying still? Why did I know Ash wouldn’t lay there and wait until someone saves the world? Why did I know him? He was just a figure on TV during the Kalos Crisis- The world flickered like a glitched screen. The weight on my chest made me stop breathing, and the voice of… Was that Ash? Ash’s voice drifted through my fuzzy thoughts, a warm presence. But why? A chill ran through my body once more, causing me to sneeze.

“Professor!” Ash yelled, shaking me. I shook my head, making my headache worse while trying to stop from coughing my lungs out. Trembling, my eyes watered and ached as the heat flooded my senses like a Waterfall attack. Presumably Ash’s Pikachu was on the arm of the sofa, where my lab coat also resides. The tension in the air. The panic. All the anger and anxiety and fear whirling around me like a carousel as Ash pulled me up into a sitting position. “Put your feet on the ground.” I complied, glancing around and pulling on the blanket around me. Did Ash carry me back to the sofa? Why did he come here in the first place? And where’s my kid? Even after blacking out for Tapu knows how long, I still felt like I haven’t slept in three days.

Ash must have noticed my panic, and nearly toppled a mug filled with ginger-colored liquid as he walked closer. “Breathe, just breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Fill up your stomach with air. There you go…” His breathing also slowed down. “What’s five things you can see?”

“I see… you, Ash.” Ignoring Ash’s raised eyebrow, I sniffled and continued, “I see… your Pikachu.” Pikachu’s ears twitched, hopping next to me on the sofa and tilting his head. “Strange, my son also has a Pikachu.” Freezing, Ash and Pikachu glanced at each other. I rubbed my eyes, and they were normal again, big smiles on their faces. Eh, probably just a fluke. “...I see a mug of… is that tea?” Ash nodded, walking next to Pikachu and unconsciously stroking his cheek while I stared down at the table. “Tea on the table. Alongside… several colorful cards and gifts? And…” I glanced out the window. “And a lot of white snow.” Breathe in. Breathe out. Try not to cough again.

Ash shivered a little but nodded. “List four things you can touch.”

“...This blanket around me.” I gripped the edges of the blanket, feeling the soft fabric. Pikachu chirped at Ash, before nuzzling my side. I reached out a hand and laid it on Pikachu’s head. “I can feel Pikachu’s fluffy fuzzy fur.” 

Ash noticed me staring at the mug of tea, and explained, “I don’t like to hold hot objects after a nightmare, but it might be different for you.” I nodded, grabbing forward like a baby reaching for a pacifier as Ash handed me the mug and sat next to me, opposite from Pikachu. So Ash gets nightmares... Yeah, that makes sense! I hope my own son doesn’t have to deal with things like this...

“I can feel the heat from the tea.”

“Mhm, one more.” Like in a trance, I leaned against Ash, taking his cap off, tossing it onto the table and running a hand through his silky hair. Pikachu stiffened but curled up where he was. Breathe in. Breathe out. “... Alright then, how about three things you can hear?”

I took another deep breath in silence. Well, not silence, but still. “I can hear Pikachu’s sparks of electricity… And- is that a humidifier?” Squeaking, Pikachu gave me a warning for who knows what as I tried to cover my cough.

Ash blinked, before shrugging. “Lana thought it would be a good idea.” Yeah, that makes sense. Of course Lana would worry if I was sick. I nodded, before stiffening. What’s another thing I can hear? The snow silenced all the bird pokemon normally outside, and none of Ash’s pokemon are running around, not even Pikachu- Wait, since when did Ash live with me? Was he living with me? Why did I know his pokemon- I... I don’t remember… A soft hum started up, gently easing me from my panic.

“And I can hear you, Ash.” Breathe in. Breathe out. “You’ve got a pretty voice.” Ash stiffened for a moment, stopping his hum and staring blankly at me. What did I do wrong? I glanced between Ash and his Pikachu, the latter confusedly peeking at his trainer.

“Oh, I… I really don’t,” he chuckled. “Can you tell me two things you can smell? Well, try to smell?” I sniffled, and Ash handed me a tissue to blow my nose with.

“This… mug of tea.” I took a deep breath before smiling. “Did Lillie send this?” Ash and Pikachu both gave a hum of agreement with Pikachu still shooting Ash worried looks. “And I can smell-” The sharp smell of snow, mixed with nature. Like the smell of an evergreen forest in the dead of winter. It reminded me of… My head began hurting again. Breathe in. Breathe out. I slung my arm over Ash’s shoulder, blanket around us both.

“...Well, how does the tea taste?” 

I sipped the hot tea, being too used to eating raw berries to care about burning my mouth. “It’s… lemony and sweet at the same time. Tastes really good!”

“Mhm… Now, do you want to talk about your nightmare? They might feel real-”

“But it’s not. You’re right here.” Pikachu’s ears twitched as he winced, cautiously leaning against me as well.

Ash blinked. “You had a nightmare about me-” I shrugged, sloshing my tea around when I coughed.

“Yeah, I don’t know either. It’s not like I know you very well,” I chuckled, feeling Ash stiffen under my arm and Pikachu staring up at me. “But I can see why you’re so good at dealing with nightmares.” Ash gave a nervous laugh, and without thinking, I continued, “Especially because of the Kalos Crisis-”

“Professor...” Ash whispered, voice shaky. He shot Pikachu a look, and Pikachu stood up, ready to bolt at any time.

“You’re my student too?” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, do you actually live with me? You feel so familiar, yet I don’t remember who you are. I mean, I know you’re Ash Ketchum, I know you’ve got trauma from Kalos, but I don’t know why you’re here.”

“...I shouldn’t have left, I’m sorry.” Ash winced as I coughed again.

“Left? When? My son left some time ago too,” I chuckled, glancing at the closed door. “I wonder where he went?” Pikachu ran across the back of the sofa to get to a silent Ash, nuzzling his cheek. Ash’s grin calmed my nerves, so I leaned forward and stared down at the five different colored cards. He’s probably fine. My five students-Oh wait, six, if Ash really is my student as well. They’re all so sweet! But ah, did they all knew I was sick? I picked up a pink-colored card. Get well soon, from, Lillie. Wait, are they all get well cards? I read a red-colored card that told me to rest, signed by Kiawe.

“Yeah, everyone pitched in to help you recover.” Ash pointed to my mug, his Pikachu still cooing softly at him and patting at his cheek. “Lillie got you the tea. Kiawe got you, as you probably guessed, Moomoo milk, as well as that bowl of candy canes.” I glanced at the table, sluggishly reaching forward while hoarding the blanket to myself. Sophocles had a yellow-colored card that listed different medicines and what they do and all the side effects they had. Ash peeked over. “Yeah, I’m not even going to try to pronounce any of those.”

“Aw, come on!” I whined, before wincing. Wow. It’s really bad, isn’t it? I took a sip of the tea and tried to ignore my sore throat and coughs.

Ash gave a small sigh, taking the card from me. Pikachu tilted his head down at the card, before narrowing his eyes at Ash. “Cough suppress-ants, such as… dex-tro-me… Deconge… Pseudo… Expectorants! And uh… nap-roxen? I-bu-profess? Ace-ta-min…” He sweatdropped, squinting his eyes. “Anti-his… What is this???” Facepalming, Pikachu shoved at Ash’s cheek, almost deciding to hop off but didn’t at the last second when Ash sighed.

I giggled, before reading through the green-colored card and then the blue-colored one. “You should have gotten your flu shot, from, Lana.”

“Yeah, while Mallow gave me a bunch of juice, Lana”--Ash lifted his cap and prepared to toss me the small bottle underneath it, before lowering his arm and just handed it to me--“sent essential oils.” I set the small bottle of lavender down on the table and glanced over at Ash. Pikachu was curled around Ash’s neck, like…

“So, how are you dealing with Kalos?” I asked out of the blue. Ash winced but calmly shrugged with a grin. Pikachu, on the other hand, only glared at me.

“It’s not too bad, but it’s still one of the most current events I’ve been in.”

I blinked, nodding tiredly. “So until my kid comes back, want to rant to me? About-”

“Oh, no, that’s alright.” Ash sweatdropped, hands out, his Pikachu still trying to bury himself in his hair. “Just let me have this vacation.”

“You’re on vacation too?” I smiled. “My son-”

Ash stood up, Pikachu on his shoulder like... “Who’s your son?” I froze. My son? He’s… My mind goes blank as I stared at Ash. Ash. Ash Ketchum. Ash’s grin flashed through my mind. His excitement, his courage, his unusual patience when it comes to helping others. My head throbbed in pain.

“You’re my son.” I pulled on the blanket around me, staring down at my mug of tea.

“I’m not,” he sighed. “I have a mom and a father.” Pikachu nodded, but his eyes twinkled as he glanced back at me.

“But... you’re Ash.” At Ash’s nod, I furrowed my eyebrows. “So… you live with me, you… What? If you’re not my son, then why do I feel like you are?”

“You’re probably still delirious. I’m honored, but there’s no way you see me that way.” Facepalming, Pikachu whacked his tail at Ash’s shoulder, chirping rapidly.

“Wha- no!” I coughed out. Honestly, I was just as surprised as Ash when he stared at me. “Look, I… You’re Ash. You’re my kid! But you’re…” I shouldn’t have done that, huh? Why did I admit to- “I- Oh Tapu, what did I do?” I groaned, placing my tea on the table and massaging my nose through the tissue. Ash rubbed the sides of his arms.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Pikachu hopped back onto the table, ignoring my instinctive glare and staring between the two of us.

I tried to stand up, but Ash shaking his head made me freeze. “Ash, please, I should be the one apologizing.”

“I caused your sickness in the first place-”

I shook my head, giving a small groan when my headache got worse. “No you didn’t. I was already sick before…”

“That makes it worse! Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” I refused to say I winced, I only… fumbled with trying to toss my tissue away. “I thought you were just tired and needed a break! I didn’t even want to be out in the snow…”

I stared up at Ash, my overprotective feelings overwhelming my logic as I yelled, “Why didn’t you tell me about Kalos? What else did you experience?” I blinked, fumbling for my tea as I felt the urge to cough. “...Wait, you don’t like the snow-”

Pikachu winced as Ash took a sharp breath, tilting his head at Ash with a soft coo. “...So I made you worry either way, huh? I’m sorry.” Oh, Ash… I sipped the tea, dipping my head.

“No no no you weren’t comfortable sharing, and I… I was just… I’m sorry.” I gulped, asking, “Why did I not realize who you were?” We both fell silent. 

“...You’re still sick-”

“Ash!” Ash flinched, head cowering. Yeah, stop using Screech, Kukui. Your voice isn’t going to handle it. Neither would your head. “...You went through a lot, haven’t you?”

“Please, I just wanted a vacation. I just wanted to focus on setting up the Christmas tree, not… the coldness outside...” Ash shivered again, his Pikachu almost immediately darting into his arms and nuzzling at his chest. “Christmas is always so cold…” I stiffened as Ash sat next to me, trying and miserably failing to hold in my coughs. “Sorry for leaving the door open. That was my fault.”

“Do you hate the cold?” Ash gave a small nod. What. Why did I not know this? Hold up- “...But you ran into the snow. For me.” There was a moment of silence where I watched Ash wince. He’s such a good boy. I don’t deserve him.

“Yeah… Aren’t you going to ask why though?” Ash asked, watching me put my tea down. I shook my head. I can’t scare him off. I’ve already done that once, and one time is enough. “...That’s, ha, the opposite of-” Pikachu’s ears blurred as he stared up at Ash, jaw-dropping.

“I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to seem obsessive.” My hands slightly trembled as I hid them under the blanket. “I am so so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” After a moment of silence, I asked, “Is something wrong?”

Ash’s eyes fluttered as he winced. “My father was… quite different than… you.” A chill ran down my spine. Judging by Pikachu’s serious expression, he felt the same way.

“Are you ok?”

Ash turned away, harshly whispering, “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with me.” I watched his eyes flit back and forth, almost like he was… trying to conceal his fear. Oh no oh no oh no-

“I never said there was, Ash.” Ash only stared at me. Looks like there’s even more that he didn’t tell me. AHHHH- “Look, I… I’m just your teacher. But you still… didn’t tell me about things like this?” Pikachu and I both watched Ash wince, the guilt swirling around the room like a Whirlpool. Ohhhhh Tapu, Ash, please-

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” My thoughts came to a screeching halt. I only snapped out of my stupor when Pikachu’s stare pierced through my soul.

“...I’m sorry that you feel like you had to hide this in the first place. I know I’m just your teacher, but what if I accidentally trigger you? I just want you to be happy.” Ash’s eyes flashed familiarity, before he tilted his head, clearly not used to my words. Or the words.

Sighing deeply, Ash shook his head, running a hand over Pikachu’s back. “I’m honored, professor.” Before I could respond, he continued with a grin, “I won’t complain anymore. It’s Christmas. Things are supposed to be happy.”

“You can’t control your emotions!” I burst, gulping when Ash flinched, eyes twitching as he jumped at every little noise in the house. I’m gonna regret this later, but whatever. “You can still feel sad or angry or whatever on a holiday! Especially if you don’t like a family member-”

“What? Oh, no, I don’t hate my father.” Ash chuckled, still patting a silent Pikachu, who stood up and nuzzled Ash’s cheek as I tried to soothe my throat and clear my nose. Yeah, if I ended up with another coughing fit, it doesn’t matter. “I remember many good things about him. Like that time he showed me that Rapidash!”

“Your father?” I felt a chill now snake across my pounding heart and using Bind on it. 

Ash narrowed his eyes at me, before glancing upwards, tears poking out. “I’m bringing back bad memories for you, huh? I’m sorry.” He bit his lip. “Sorry, I know I apologize too much, I just…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s ok, Ash. Don’t worry about it.” I nodded, inviting him to continue talking. But he didn’t. “Ash, you don’t have to like everyone...” Pikachu squeaked in agreement, patting at Ash’s chest. I pursed my lips, blowing my nose and trying not to fall asleep.

“I really don’t hate him. I can’t. He just wanted the best for me...” Leaning forward, Ash mumbled, “Not like it was his fault for leaving.” No, Ash, please don’t blame yourself...

“Ash… I get that, I really do, it’s just...” The familiar sense of guilt and self-disappointment came rushing at me like a tidal wave. Like an avalanche? I don’t know anymore. My pounding heart provided zero answers, and I’m so done with this holiday already.

Gingerly peeking over at me, Ash shrugged. “I wonder if he’s proud of me- actually no. You know what he’d say?” Oh, no... “That I haven’t done enough. That I haven’t won anything major. That I’m just a failure and that I should be ashamed I haven’t become pokemon master yet-” He was cut off by Pikachu’s angry chirps and my unwilling coughs.

“Just because you aren’t where you want to be yet doesn’t mean you can’t be proud of how far you’ve come!” I also yelled, before shutting my eyes to try to block out my headache. Ugh I really shouldn’t be yelling right now, but for Ash, I’m more than happy to endure any pain for him. “...I’m sorry for bringing this up, but you got to top 2 in Kalos. That’s no easy feat.” Pumping his fist, Pikachu cheered at Ash, whose grin softened to a genuine smile as I sipped my tea once more.

“...Thanks, I guess. Still didn’t win, though.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Go ahead, you can joke about it. I’m used to it.” JOKE? Why would I-

I flinched, hard. Pikachu’s ears wilted as he settled back into Ash’s embrace. “Wh-Ash?” Ash gave me--ME!--a pitied look. Pikachu glanced up at Ash, before hopping on the backrest of the sofa. Ash sat next to me and cradled my head in his lap. Sniffling, I weakly shook my head. “Stop, you’re gonna get sick…”

“Back in Kanto, we’re supposed to take care of family…”

“Look, I don’t care about that right now, I care more about your wellbeing. What if you get sick because of me?” Ash pursed his lips, glancing away. “No, Ash, you didn’t get me sick.” I struggled to get off, but Ash only shook his head. Sigh… this boy… He’ll really be the death of me. By Pikachu’s exasperated face, he was definitely thinking the same. Who knew I could relate to a mouse so well? I leaned to the side as I tried to cover my coughs, dizziness enveloping my vision like a dark cloud.

“I have a good immune system, let me do this.” Before I could argue back, I froze when Ash poked at my hair bun. “You can make fun of me if you want. I know family is allowed to-” I only felt my headache getting worse.

“I’m not gonna make fun of you or your achievements or choices. I’m only saying you shouldn’t do this because I don’t want you getting sick.” Pikachu squeaked at Ash, giving a reluctant nod when Ash shook his head. I grabbed the air, and Ash reached forward to hand me another tissue.

Ash leaned my head slightly to the side and patted my hair. “Professor, I really can take a little joke. I’m not a baby after all.” Something told me that this ‘little joke’ isn’t as innocent as it sounds. Him wincing after I nodded only solidified my thoughts. I loosened my grip on the blanket, staring up at Ash after blowing my nose.

“Look, you’re doing your best, and that’ll never be nothing.”

“Huh?” I slowly raised my arm towards my hair, and Ash shifted a little. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know- I was just- Ahhh I’m really sorry.” Staring at Ash as he braced himself, I only felt my heart ache even more. 

“You’re fine, Ash. Can you undo my hair?” Before Ash could stammer any farther, I held in the urge to sigh. “You’re already set on getting my sickness, feel free to play with my hair.” I was only greeted with silence. Only Pikachu padding next to us and patting Ash’s cheek with his tail snapped Ash out of his stupor. “Ash, I’m really not going to tease you, especially since you’re upset over this.” Ash reached forward and undid my hair bun as I whispered, “I’m not a horrible human being that preys on people’s mistakes.”

“Wha- Oh, no, professor, my father was just trying to prepare me for the real world as an adult!” Why is that always the- I internally groaned.

“Even if you’re an adult, that’s just… bad. And you’re still a kid!” Ash winced as I started to cough, reaching for my tea but freezing when I shook my head. This isn’t about me anymore after all.

“I’ve seen more world-ending events than you, professor. Besides, they were all just joking-” Pikachu’s sad chirp only brought unshed tears to Ash’s eyes.

“That’s not reassuring!” My voice was hoarse as I continued, “I don’t care what you’ve gone through, you’re still a child. And I don’t mean that in a degrading way, I mean that you’re still fragile and vulnerable!” I threw--well, more like flailed--my arms up, nearly hitting Ash in the face with my lack of coordination, who only awkwardly chuckled, laying a hand on my head. “You shouldn’t be trying to defend yourself from people you’re closest with!” I hissed, before mumbling, “It’s just not ok, cruelty doesn’t stop being cruel just because the bullies are laughing. If anything that makes it worse.” Ash only shook his head, running a hand through my hair as my pained throat yelled at me like non-stop car honks. Pikachu leaned against Ash’s shoulder and pressed his head against Ash’s neck while closing his eyes.

“He’s just trying to make me more tough and rounded and perfect for my future.”

I cleared my throat, ignoring the world as it blurred around Ash, because of course Ash is the focus point. “No one’s perfect. And that’s ok. I know perfectionism is addictive because you feel that once you’re perfect, no one would judge or criticize you ever again, but believe me, it doesn’t work.” I reached up and smacked Ash’s arm when I just wanted to hold it. Tapu, I’m so out of it, what am I even doing? “Oh oop, sorry about that.” Awkwardly chuckling, I mumbled, “The point is, the fact that you’re still standing strong proves you’re already tough. You survived because you had to. You saved yourself. You are why you are who you are today. And fu-frick the society standards that males can’t be sensitive, because everyone breaks down at times. It just means you’ve been strong for too long.” I felt the world spin, but my resolve to be with Ash kept me wide awake and alert. Well, and my urges to cough, but that’s beside the point.

“But he didn’t mean to put so much pressure on me. It’s kinda like my old school, actually!” Ash grinned way too widely, before murmuring with a shrug that jostled Pikachu, “I got yelled at for using an exclamation mark on every sentence because not everything was supposed to be exciting…” I got a lump in my throat as Ash shook his head, continuing to run his fingers through my hair. “Don’t get me wrong, I love learning, but... the pressure, the teachers, and… all the rules and homework and tests and deadlines and assignments I just…” Ash’s sniffle was harsh and loud, not unlike my own. “It wasn’t fun, but… I wanted to be a good child in school so badly, but at the same time…” 

“You are. Any child who tries as hard as you do is a good student, especially with how difficult it is for you. Oh I’m gonna have a word with your past teachers-”

“You’re still sick, Professor.”

I shifted back and forth, silently cursing this illness of mine, throat irritated by my coughs. “School shouldn’t prioritize grades over your own well being... School is there to help you learn new and interesting stuff, not force you to be perfect. And parents as well… they’re supposed to give you love, not give you hardships...” Cooing in agreement, Pikachu hugged Ash’s neck like a fuzzy scarf before closing his eyes once more.

“I mean, he does sometimes apologize-” Sometimes?! Fuck that. 

“I don’t care if he always apologizes, it’s clear his actions didn’t change. An apology without change is just manipulation.” I paused for a moment, glancing up at Ash as he tried to cover up his tears. “You shouldn’t have to respect your authorities if they don’t respect you, and those who don’t respect you don’t deserve you.” I could feel the hot burning tears scorching my own cheeks, only to be brushed aside by Ash’s hand. “They’re the adult, they should act like it! Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they get to disrespect you and not treat you like a person when you don’t treat them like the authority!” If I EVER see Ash’s father in my life I’m so fucking going to-

Ash shook his head, massaging my head and mumbling, “He doesn’t want me to be sad and tried to change the bad parts of m-”

“But being sad is normal! It’s ok to be sad! All of your emotions are valid, regardless of what they are!” I yelled, aware that if I continue yelling my throat is gonna hurt for the rest of the week… actually, probably more than just this week. “And what BAD parts-” I was cut off by my own coughs. Tapu, it feels like I just swallowed a raw Tamato Berry.

“But he loves me!” Utter BS. Bouffalant-shit. Tauros-shit. Whatever!

“That’s not love! If he loved you, he wouldn’t be trying to change who you are. If he loved you, he would love all the things that make you, you. You shouldn’t be feeling guilty over who you are or that you’re not what your parents wanted you to be! You’re allowed to explore new options and be who you really are! He only loved what he thought you should be.” I gulped, watching Ash wince. “Just because he ‘wanted the best’ for you or whatever doesn’t mean his actions outweigh all of the bad. If you’re hurt by his words, he doesn’t get to decide that he didn’t.”

“Look, professor, I’m just selfish, I’m sorry, I should be grateful. My father paid for so many things for me,” Ash nervously giggled as Pikachu’s fur tickled at his neck.

“Ash Ash Ash. You’re not selfish, you’re too selfless. And he had no right to make you feel guilty to be born! He decided to have you, he should actually care for you! It wasn’t your fault! You weren’t asked to be born, but I’m actually so glad you’re here with me!” My throat never hurt this much before, but it’ll be worth it. It is worth it. There was a moment of silence, and Pikachu peeked an eye open. “You gotta learn to prioritize yourself… and you don’t have to justify your feelings either. You can hate someone if they gave you a reason to and you don't need to explain why.”

“...Why are you so supportive?” Pikachu stood up and patted Ash’s hair, curling on the backrest like he was satisfied with the two of us.

“Why isn’t everyone?” I stared up at him as he lightly trailed the side of my face. “I shouldn’t be the only one who knows about this. I’m just doing the right thing.” Ash’s lip trembled, and I mumbled, “It’s ok to feel special to be treated nicely, but you deserve it. You should be treated with support. It’s what any human being should do. Why shouldn’t-”

“Because I shouldn’t be feeling this way!” Ash yelled, immediately getting a guilty look on his face as he glanced back at his now sleeping Pikachu. I wonder if he did that on purpose? So we would reason it out with actual logic than volume? Well, if that’s the case, my coughs threw that plan out the window.

“Ash, you’re allowed to feel whatever you want. And it’s ok if you never fully heal, you just need to recover. I’m right here to listen… Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere.” Ash let out a small giggle that warmed my heart like a thousand Blast Burns.

“...I don’t know... I’m just so used to being told what to do when I was a kid... I really can’t handle being ordered around now, but I sometimes don’t know what to do with myself because of it. And I’ve gotten used to putting others before myself, because hey, maybe they’ll do the same for me… I… I don’t know...” Ash paused, glancing down at me while he wrapped me tighter in the blanket. “Ok. But I still have a problem with authority figures, I hope you understand.”

“I do.” Oh Tapu, do I understand! Silence continued, except for the sound of my sniffling. “Are you... scared of me? Or scared that I’ll know?” Speaking from experience, huh, Kukui?

“I’m not sure… I mean, I really don’t want to feel THAT way again…” Ash stiffened like I was going to yell at him or something. Wow, projecting much? Ok deep breath Kukui, be the person you needed as a kid. Just because I had a rough childhood doesn’t mean it’s right of me to take it out on my kid-Yeah, MY kid. ...That’s nice and all, Kukui, but your harsh coughs just made this a lot less pleasant, for both of you.

“...Well, this is your choice. I support you either way.” As the silence stretched on like a dirt trail winding through a forest, I started drifting off, clutching the blanket around me. There was a rumbling noise in my throat as Ash continued to draw random shapes on my hair, and I closed my eyes. It was peaceful.

After who knows how long had passed, Ash stopped. I peeked an eye open as he placed a hand on my arm. “Alright.” I sleepily nodded, forcefully blinking and trying to stay awake for him. “Even though my father doesn’t show it, I still... felt his disappointment whenever I forget something important or get bad grades.” Ash had a grin on his face that even sick me could recognize as fake. “After all, I’m just lazy and stupid and constantly need guidance.” I made a small strangled noise but had no energy to do anything except lay there and be swaddled in sorrow for my kid. “Oh Arceus, I was so dumb back then… Anyways, yeah, he was right. I wouldn’t have survived without my friends.” Ash glanced upwards, before taking a peek at Pikachu. “My father wasn’t too touchy-feely with me, but I can understand that. So I got really close to the pokemon around the ranch.” I strained to hear Ash through my sniffles as his voice trembled. “Not that he cared though.”

“I care...” Ash went back to ruffling my hair and leaned back, eyes dark.

“‘You better snap out of it or I’m going to leave’ or ‘When I was your age, I would have done so much more than you.’ That’s what I always hear him say. I was terrified. Even more so when he did leave.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Ash. It never was,” I murmured, a fog over my mind still, “And it’s irrelevant what he did when he was your age. This is your life after all. Things and times have changed...”

He still continued like he didn’t hear me. “From then on, I decided that I never wanted to feel so vulnerable ever again. I made friends without telling them of my past. I buried my experience. I made pokemon friends but never really told them anything either.” Ash took a sharp breath, unconsciously caressing my cheek like he does with Pikachu. “You know, I’ve helped so many people and pokemon, but it still feels like I’m never going to live life enough. That I’m never gonna get those years of my life back, because I just can’t…” he trailed off, amber eyes clouded as he licked his lips and gulped.

“I’m sorry-” Ash stiffened, staring down at me.

“Oh you didn’t have to listen, you could have just stopped me.”

I nodded, before blinking, now fully awake. “Wh- this matters to you, Ash, why would I stop you?” Who gave him shit for talking about his feelings and experiences? WHO made him feel like he’s not WORTHY of being heard?! I was about to scream again if it wasn’t for Pikachu lazily snoozing and leaning against Ash’s shoulder. Probably saved me another week of throat pain, if I’m honest.

Ash’s voice sounded like shattered glass being dragged through my heart. “Surely you didn’t want to see how utterly broken I am, I’m sorry. Arceus, you have the same experience, why did I ever bring this up-”

“Ash…”

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for being irresponsible. My father was right in that.”

“But you remind me to eat meals every day and so much more,” I argued with a small chuckle, lazily waving my tissue. I’m so gonna have a sore throat for the rest of the year and beyond, but I don’t care. “But I’ll be serious. I asked you to share, and I’m honored you decided to trust me with this. So thank you.” Ash was silent, but his eyes sparkled. I’m so proud of him. My son. My strong and powerful and capable kid.

He gently moved my head onto the sofa with a soft smile and stood up, cradling Pikachu in his arms. “Love you too. I’m going to get the Christmas tree set up.” I watched Ash leave without complaint. In fact, I knew I had a dumb grin on my face that won’t ever leave. Perfect.

You did good, Kukui, you did good. Sure, you still have to finish your paper... But you’re gonna set a good example for your son Ash and get to sleep already first. But of course… things are not perfect. Sure, it felt like I was either taking a hot shower after being hit by an Ice Beam or having a lava bath, but I still just laid there. Awake. Actually, scratch that, with how relaxed and bubbly I’m feeling, it’s fine. I’m more drunk on love than anything else. How did I even carry on a conversation with Ash in this state? I gripped the edge of my blanket as I coughed some more.

As Ash dragged the artificial Christmas tree into the living room, Pikachu now awake and on his shoulder, I began to fantasize about the scene. The colorful Christmas lights twinkling and flashing to music. A beautiful Christmas tree with fancy matching ornaments and a star on top, wrapped in blankets of tinsel and garland and dotted with popcorn and ribbon and candy canes-

“Professor?” I stared at Ash, puddles of pine needles and tinsel around him, and sighed with a sniffle, tossing out my tissue. “We ran out of ribbon, and I don’t know where the star is.” He held up a traditional ornament. “And I think we’re out of matching ornaments- NO Pikachu, don’t eat that! They’re artificial, for Arceus’s sake!” I sweatdropped with a small cough as Pikachu spit out some bits of popcorn and string, glaring at Ash. Ash sighed, taking a candy cane from the bowl and licking it.

“Ash!” I quietly hissed, nearly knocking my mug of tea as I jerked my arms out. Chuckling slightly with a blush, Ash tossed the candy canes near the top of the tree so he wouldn’t eat them. Pikachu pouted, giving an annoyed chirp when Ash only patted his head.

“But yeah, I think we have to make some more ornaments…” I facepalmed, imagining all the things that could go wrong. “Um… and can we get some fake snow-”

“There’s real snow out-” I cut myself off as Ash’s wide grin faltered a little. “Oh, sorry… Can we not though? Fake snow is like glittery sand.” Ash nodded with pursed lips, clearly not any happier than how I’m feeling. “Look, I don’t usually do this for my wards, but since you stayed with me for so long... I got you a gift. That should cheer you up, right?” I gestured towards my lab coat, and Ash pretty much pounced on it, eyes giddy as he took out the Friend Ball I got him.

“Oh, I love it- Pikachu!” I could only sigh as Ash tossed his gift onto the table and tried to stop Pikachu from crashing into the tree, only for Pikachu to hop onto Ash’s head and leap towards the candy canes. As the tree toppled, I closed my eyes, trying to ignore my own coughs and aches. There was a loud crash, and Pikachu loudly squeaked in annoyance. “...Come on buddy, let’s get you untangled- wait don’t use Thunderbolt you’ll-” A loud spark and chirp later, Ash groaned, finishing his sentence, “Destroy the lights…” I massaged my nose and fumbled for another tissue from beneath the blanket, trying to ignore my growing headache.

Eh, Christmas isn’t perfect. But we’ll get through it.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know this was OOC and probably “unrealistic.” Guess I’m projecting more than usual as well *shrug*  
> Random trivia: the opposite of deja vu is jamais vu  
> Heavily inspired by Snow - Sleeping at Last and partially inspired by https://ao3gangficprompts.tumblr.com/post/189657645873/so-the-wonderful-kidwesthope16-suggested-these  
> Oh yeah, I started to write this a month ago, and I am not proud… Yeah this is probably the most disorientated fic I’ve written. Well, hope you guys enjoyed it anyways! Merry Christmas! <3


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